Bill Maher Takes On Pope Resigning: Church Wants A Fresh Face ‘Somewhere Other Than A Priest’s Lap’

  Bill Maher had a lot to say tonight about the surprise resignation of Pope Benedict XVI and the Catholic Church in general. Maher told Catholics that “if the Pope can quit, it’s okay for you to quit too,” and argued that institutions that discriminate against or leave out women are bound to descend into “sexual deviancy,” hence his declaration that it’s time for the College of Cardinals to select a female Pope.

Maher joked that the Pope left because the church wants a fresh face “somewhere other than a priest’s lap.” He argued that the institution of the Catholic Church is “dying off,” like Blockbuster and moderate Republicans. The Pope, Maher guessed, may have realized he’s no more than “Queen Elizabeth in a better dress” and said he’s “too old for this shit.”
Maher posed a question to the Catholic community: “if you’re Catholic but don’t follow anything the Church says, what are you staying for?” He told them “it’s okay to let go,” while questioning why anyone would want to belong to an organization that discriminates so blatantly against women. Maher suggested that any enterprise that excludes women descends into “sexual deviancy,” because from the Boy Scouts to Penn State to Wall Street, “a bunch of innocent folks [will] get fucked.”
Maher decided that the church needs a female Pope, offering up both Hillary Clinton and Oprah Winfrey as possible contenders. But failing that, Maher offered up himself as a contender, explaining that he was raised Catholic, has “no interest in children whatsoever,” and comes with his own “white puff of smoke.”

Maher Tears Apart ‘Con Men’ Beck, Limbaugh And Hannity, For ‘Separating Rubes From Their Money’

Bill Maher used his final New Rule of the night to take on his old friend Sarah Palin‘sdeparture from Fox News.

“Liberals have to stop gloating about Sarah Palin getting dumped by Fox News,” Maher began, “even though it happened less than a day after Bobby Jindal told his fellow Republicans to ‘stop being the stupid party.’ That’s just a coincidence. A wonderful, hilarious coincidence.”

The whole thing reminded Maher of another character who got fired from Fox News: Glenn Beck. “But did he curl up into a ball and weep like a baby? Of course he did. This is Glenn Beck we’re talking about.”

After that, Beck headed off to the internet, where he made $80 million on his subscription-based website last year, landing him on the Forbes list of highest-paid celebrities. Rush Limbaugh is also on that list. And Maher said “con men” like Beck and Limbaugh “don’t care about winning elections. They care about separating rubes from their money… They don’t want a majority. They want a mailing list.”

Maher proceeded to tear into Beck, Sean Hannity and other conservative radio hosts and authors for stoking survivalist fear in their audiences and profiting immensely from their gullibility.

“Glenn Beck only has 300,000 subscribers, so they’ll never be a majority.” And even though they can only vote once every few years, they can consume right-wing ideology and products almost as fast as they are produced.

“There’s no comparable industry on the left, dedicated to separating liberals from their cash. I mean, unless you count Whole Foods.”

Bill Maher, Cory Booker And Panel Slam GOP For Senate Hearings Antics

 

Bill Maher kicked off a conversation with a rare all-liberal panel tonight by saying “Republicans really disappointed me this week.” Though he admitted he shouldn’t have been surprised, Maher found it hard to believe that Republicans in the Senate hammered President Obama‘s pick for Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel.

“Apparently Obama’s cooties are so bad that when Obama picks you, even when you’re a Republican now all the Republicans hate this guy.” Maher specifically called out Hagel’s old friend Sen. John McCain for his rough treatment during the hearings. “In the Republican party now, unless you say you want to bomb the holy hell out of Iran and Israel is perfect, you have no place.”

Newark Mayor Cory Booker defended Hagel against the Republican attacks, specifically on Hagel’s desire to cut military spending. “It’s not unpatriotic to say we’re spending too much money,” Booker said. “In fact, I think that’s the patriotic thing to say.”

Eventually, Maher changed the subject to the political ambitions of some of his panel guests.Eva Longoria flat-out denied that she has any plans to run for office. But while Booker had to admit that he has his eye on the New Jersey senate, Maher did get to confront him about his potential new opponent: Geraldo Rivera.

Bill Maher And Howard Dean Clash With GOP Panelists Over Obama’s Inaugural, ‘Crazy Crap On The Right Wing’

 
Bill Maher opened the panel discussion on his show tonight talking about President Obama‘s inaugural address. Maher admitted that it was a strikingly partisan speech, but felt it was warranted given how much Obama has tried to reach out to Republicans and failed. Maher and panelist Howard Dean clashed with the two Republican panelists over how much Obama has done to work with Republicans and how much the GOP is obsessed with ridiculous controversies and conspiracies.

GOPAC president David Avella allowed that Obama did some reaching out in his inaugural, but considered his language about civil discourse to be hollow given how he has personally insulted Republicans. Maher pushed Avella to explain exactly how Obama has insulted the opposition, to which Avella said that Obama has referred to his opponents as “right-wing Republicans.” Republican pollster Kristen Soltis thought that Obama’s speech seemed to hammer home the same “you didn’t built that” theme the Republicans jumped on him for last year.

Dean dissented, saying the clear theme of the speech was equal rights, and praised Obama for standing up “against all this crazy crap on the right wing.” Maher used this as a jumping-off point to bring the conversation to how big a deal the Republicans have made about the attacks on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi last September. Maher said that the GOP is going down the rabbit hole when no one actually cares about the scandal.

Maher found it remarkable that Republican senators were actually “screaming” at Hillary Clinton during her testimony earlier this week. Soltis pointed out that it was no better than Democrats fawning over Clinton. Maher continued on the “crazy crap” train with a clip of Senator Rand Paul going after Clinton on something Maher said he clearly based on “horseshit” he heard on TV, which explains Clinton’s bewildered reaction to his question.

Maher marveled at how Republicans appear to be making a bigger deal over Benghazi than over 9/11. Amidst some talk about crazy conspiracies over the Sandy Hook shooting, Avella and Dean squared off over which political party has more insane conspiracists. Dean said the GOP is blatantly trying to “undermine democracy” by changing election laws in order to help them win in the future, and said the country should be talking about issues beyond the simple social differences on abortion and guns.

Bill Maher Throws Cold Water On Gun Control: ‘You Can Do All This S**t, It’s Not Going To Change Anything’

  

On his first show back of the year, Bill Maher got into an intense discussion of gun control andPresident Obama‘s executive orders with the panel. Maher thought it was promising that Obama is seriously taking on this issue, but doubted it would actually amount to anything, saying that while he personally wants every one of Obama’s policy proposals implemented, at the end of the day, “it’s not going to change anything.”

Maher warned the audience at the top of the discussion that they won’t like what he has to say, before immediately sharing his pessimism with Obama’s executive orders. Firstly, he predicted the assault weapons ban would be dead on arrival in Congress. Secondly, while he agreed with Obama’s policies and believes that the country needs to “shrink the tumor that is the NRA,” he doubted any of it would be effective, saying “you can do all this shit, it’s not going to change anything.”

Panelist Martin Short argued that it’s all about gradual cultural changes, much in the same way the United States changed the culture about smoking. Short asked why the NRA, an organization made up of only four million people, wields such power. Michelle Caruso-Cabrera pointed out that many Americans own guns and might sympathize with the goals of the NRA. Maher simply added, “we’re the gun country.”

Maher predicted that even if the assault weapons ban gets implemented, the next school shooting will happen without them. He brought up the Third Amendment, which is all about quartering soldiers in wartime and generally doesn’t apply these days, to argue for the irrelevance of the Second Amendment. Maher argued that the difference between the United States and other countries that embrace guns is the U.S.’s gun culture, saying that while he is personally a gun owner, he emphasized that he is not a “proud gun owner.”

Short steered the conversation to violence in movies and video games, and how the NRA has been pointing fingers in that direction. Maher first said that violence has existed long before mass media, but then pushed back against LaTourette’s insistence there is no proven link between video game violence and real-world violence.

Bill Maher: Second Amendment Is Not Under Attack, But All Your Other Rights Are

  

In his final New Rule of the night, Bill Mahersmacked down the conventional wisdom on the right that the Second Amendment is under attack from President Obama, saying that “America’s gun nuts” need to stop wetting their pants over it. But more importantly, Maher said that people are so very concerned about their right to own guns that they don’t notice and/or care that they have been stripped of their other rights.

Maher highlighted how the Senate quietly reauthorized the National Defense Authorization Act while everyone was so concerned about the fiscal cliff, and there wasn’t even a peep out of the “freedom” crowd. In fact, Maher said, people seem to be okay with government surveillance and warrantless wiretapping at this point.

Maher also railed against the “Facebook generation” that doesn’t care who knows their personal information, while he is adamant about not wanting the Feds to look at his web searches. He noted that the government always claims such programs are to “catch terrorist,” but the next thing you know they’re shutting down pot dispensaries.

Maher asked, “Does anyone care that this is the new normal?” He said that liberals outraged atGeorge W. Bush for these programs have said nothing about Obama, because “the only thing that still has bipartisan support in Washington is not giving a shit about privacy.”

Maher circled back to the gun advocates, saying that they may have the guns, but they don’t have the rights that their guns are supposed to be protecting.

Maher’s Advice For Obama’s 2nd Term: ‘Become An Angry Black Man Who’s Pushing A Liberal Agend

 

While progressives may be happy that President Obama will be around for another four years, Bill Maher warned them not to get too complacent, and pointed out that now Obama no longer has to run for reelection, they can “hold his feet to the fire” on a number of important progressive issues, from the drug war to the the defense budget. Maher said that after four years of conservatives accusing Obama of being an “angry black man with a liberal agenda,” the president should do… just that for the next four years.

After pleading with the American people to never speak the name of Mitt Romney again, Maher said that progressives need to actually hold Obama accountable. He said that “with no more elections to win,” Obama shouldn’t have to worry about “kiss[ing] the asses of coal miners” or pretending the defense budget should be this large. Maher said that the United States has the same problem with the defense budget as Mrs. Petraeus has with her husband: “it’s swollen and we can’t bring ourselves to touch it.”

Maher also recommended Obama rethink the war in Afghanistan, because terrorists would never suspect “a surprise retreat.” He also said ending the War on Drugs needs to be a priority, and “if conservatives bitch about it, throw states’ rights back in their face.”